We share 99.9% of our DNA with chimpanzees, yet we are a completely different species by just 0.1%. One of the things that 0.1% confers on us is the ability to speak a language, allowing us to exchange thoughts and ideas with each other using a complicated set of rules and symbols. The trouble is that these rules and symbols are really only guidelines and each of us interprets them in a totally unique way, though there are conventions about the use of language, which are usually learnt at a young age. Some things we say are quite specific and less open to interpretation, for instance if someone was to ask me what colour eyes I have, I would reply blue. But if someone was to ask me to describe myself and for instance I said I was strong, what exactly do I mean? Most of you would think I was referring to my physical strength, but what if I meant I'm mentally or emotionally strong? You can't get inside my head to understand where I attach importance to strength, but to me it's obvious.

The other day I was over at MOM - Not Otherwise Specified reading this post, when I was struck by something in comments, MOM-NOS described her son as autistic, which given that he has a diagnosis of autism seems completely reasonable. However I recall at a school council meeting, when one of the parent representatives described her child as autistic and the school principal spoke up and said that none of the children were autistic and that they were all kids, just like any other, but they were kids with issues that needed to be addressed. In one blinding flash my daughter was humanised, separated from the chimpanzees and part of the human race, which in itself has an infinite form of expression. M just expresses her humanity in a way that is completely unique to her, as we all do. It's just that we put a label on her form of expression, even though many of the things she does are not only confined to people with autism.

So whenever I talk about M's condition, I never say she is autistic, what I say is that she has autism. It's a subtle shift in the way I use language but for me it has had a profound effect. Saying my child is autistic is concentrating on the behaviours that set her apart, but says nothing about her as a person, saying she has autism concentrates on her as a person. It's sort of like the difference between saying M is a green eyed person, rather than saying M is a person with green eyes.

I'm reasonably confident that you are following my train of thought so far, because it's about to get harder. I left a comment on the MOM-NOS post, not in as much detail, but in essence the same. MOM-NOS replied that she had a done a previous post on pretty much the exact same thing, in which she argued that her son was better described as autistic rather than someone who had autism, pointed me to that post and another by an autistic person who had influenced the way she thought.

I read each post slowly and carefully, several times in fact as I wanted to absorb as much of what they were saying as possible, but I couldn't agree with what they were saying, it wasn't only because I was unwilling to hand back my daughter's humanity, rather I couldn't get the arguments to gell in my mind and found myself starting to formulate counter arguments, based on the nuances of language. It's not the first time that I've disagreed with what a person with autism was saying. The post in which I came out of the closet as the parent of a child with autism came about because I disagreed with someone else's comments. I understand that if you have autism you will have insights unavailable to me, but in other areas you are just like me, a person with opinions, not autistic opinions, just opinions.

I thought for a very long time what I would like to say in reply, so long in fact my head was hurting. Then a moment of absolute clarity occurred. My beliefs were a great comfort to me, I bet that their beliefs were equally comforting to them. Who was I to be so conceited as to say that my way of thinking was best. All of us were expressing our thoughts in different ways, but in ways that made sense to each of us. There are so very few signposts on the autism road we are traveling, that when you do eventually find one it's very exciting and you want to share with others on the same road. But every journey is unique and some prefer a slightly different path, there is no right or wrong about how you get to where you are going.

It's just a journey.